I feel terrible right now.  I woke up after having a dream about you.  I guess in the dream I had written a really bad email to you pretending to be someone else? and it talked about you, and the girl you like, and some other chick i don’t remember.  Anyway you came over to my house with them and some other people and were trying to figure out who it was.  In my dream I guess I had only did it because I missed having you in my life and I knew that if you found out I did it I’d get your attention for a little while.  I was that desperate oh gosh.  Anyway you found out and I denied it, but it was obvious so I just admitted it.  I don’t know why this dream upset me so much but in the end I was talking about how she’s the only thing you look forward to talking to, all day long, and I said that used to be me.  That used to be us.

I thought I was over you, but I guess deep down somewhere I’m jealous and sort of miss you.

I hate when I get insane urges to cut.

I just want to rip my arms up.  Release all this stress and tension.  Let the pain go.  Watch the blood drip.  Ugh.  I have problems. Major problems.

I’m scared to fall for anyone anymore.

I’ve lost both guys that I’ve truly loved.

I feel like any other guy that will come into my life will just eventually walk out on me as well, leaving me with a broken heart.

Gotta keep it guarded.

It’s like every time I think of you, my heart breaks a little more.  The loneliness grows a little deeper.  My smile disappears.  I wish I had never met you so I wouldn’t miss you this much.  I want to call you right now, but I know you won’t pick.  I’d text you, but I know you’d ignore it.  I’d go visit your church tomorrow, but that’s just…not right anymore.  I’d try to talk to you anyway possible but, you walked away.  I just have to remind myself over and over again that you left and you don’t want me in your life anymore.  Sigh.  I still love you though.

I still miss you. come visit me some day okay?

I just want to personally write my thanks down to You.  You bless me with so much and I’m incredibly happy now. :))) I’m so glad I trusted You through the hard times.  This just proves how faithful you’ll be to me if I’m faithful to you.

ahhhh! happiness.

Thanks for fucking with my feelings and leaving me.

(Source: geleeeezy)

Oh my word.  My mom’s talking about selling out house.  I don’t know what to do or say.  Financial problems.  It’s overwhelming to see that I can’t help her whatsoever.  Lord please provide.